Head of Behavioral Sciences at MESH Diversity Our data driven approach makes inclusion Meaningful, Manageable and Measurable.
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Allyship seems to be on everyone’s lips these days. Culture-altering social movements like #MeToo and Black Lives Matter exposed and amplified the harsh realities of systemic inequality in the world, and as a result, many people found themselves caught in a trap. They were suddenly struggling with the implications of their own power and privilege even as they sought to support meaningful change.
The first step for most folks looking to build their allyship muscles is to type “how to be an ally” into their search engine of choice. Regrettably, this particular approach has led countless “would-be allies” to a wasteland of functionally useless platitudes tied to seemingly endless lists of do’s and don’ts. But this work is rarely so neat and tidy.
Allyship is not practiced the same way with family as with friends. It’s practiced differently privately and in public. There must be room for this kind of nuance. And all of these challenges are substantially amplified when attempting to build allyship within organizations. Not only do we have to navigate the intersections of personal, professional and systemic change, but again, we find ourselves too often relying on advice from people who are not necessarily equipped to offer it.
Unfortunately, there has been little in the way of practical guidance for those wanting to step up. As it turns out, nature does in fact abhor a vacuum, and in the absence of readily available field expertise, a swell of earnest but unqualified DEI professionals has surfaced to dole out advice over cyberspace. So much so, that it can be difficult to find a worthwhile signal in all that noise today.
Having over three decades of experience in the field of diversity, inclusion, anti-racism and anti-oppression, it's clear to me that this is a serious problem. I recently read that some self-described "DEI disruptors” deemed it inappropriate to ask co-workers about their vacation plans because the question might have unforeseen emotional impacts. What if socially oppressive wage disparities left some co-workers financially unable to travel? They suggested instead asking how you can better support the employee so they can enjoy their time off. They framed this as “allyship in action.”
While I do believe these folks are well-intentioned, it's important to note that this is not allyship. This is a brand of repressive, ill-informed DEI that can actually damage progress made. This is performative allyship, but at worst, it effectively infantilizes minoritized peoples. Ironically, it further marginalizes the marginalized, making people terrified to even speak for fear of making a mistake. These ever-growing lock-box lists are not only illogical, but they also serve to trivialize the truly violating nature of everyday social oppression.
I've heard other examples of this in action—where these so-called disrupters advocating for inclusion might actually step on progress made by not focusing on the right things. I've heard that we shouldn’t use the word “dumb” anymore because it was historically used to describe people who lacked the ability to speak. I've heard some say we shouldn't say "spooky" at Halloween time because Black soldiers were called "spooks" during World War II, despite it originating as a Dutch word describing apparitions, ghouls and ghosts in the 19th century. I've heard we shouldn’t say "brainstorm" because it could be offensive to people with neurodiversities and people with brain injuries.
This kind of approach to DEI is not about teaching empathy. It’s not about being compassionate. It’s a funhouse-mirror representation of everything that good equity and inclusion work should be.
Quality equity work is about systemic change. It's about working to right the ship so we can sail on it together. It doesn't suggest sinking the ship we have. Make no mistake, this approach is taking some pretty good chunks out of the hull.
People need a reason to change. There has to be a “What’s in it for me?” Anyone who has ever taught adult learners knows this truism all too well. To that end, inclusive change that is both meaningful and sustainable doesn't exclude or ostracise those in positions of power, nor does it require demonizing everything they know as normal or hold as dear. Inclusion is about how we create cultures where all peoples feel genuinely safe and like they truly fit. You can't accomplish that for one group at the expense of another.
In a 2018 NPR poll, around 52% of Americans reported being against the United States becoming more politically correct. Perhaps it's because a good number of these people equate political correctness and cancel culture to this type of repressive behavior. There is already a trend at work of positioning the DEI brand as somehow anti-freedom, so it certainly doesn’t help when these “DEI disruptors” help feed the narrative.
Contrary to popular opinion, allyship does not require that people in positions of power feel uncomfortable—it requires that they feel invested. People are generally good, and if we can help good people see how they’re part of something ugly, they tend to not want to be part of it anymore. Shame, blame, guilt, fear and frustration are not particularly useful emotions in enticing either personal or professional growth.
Of course, disruption can be good, but disruption for disruption’s sake is rarely productive. In fact, it usually doesn't serve much of a purpose at all.
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