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Five Universal Leadership Lessons From Parenting Twins

Forbes Human Resources Council
POST WRITTEN BY
Jessica Delorenzo

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It was a Monday night. We got the call. Surprise twins, instant family.

A few weeks later, a business leader told me that being a parent would help me become a better leader. On the surface, this makes sense, and with deeper reflection, I rediscovered some key aspects of my own leadership philosophy that have been reinforced with the addition of Twin A and Twin B.

Prioritize The Human

I consider myself a master at prioritization, but there was a glaring problem I could not see beyond my endless tasks and calendar entries. I was great at prioritizing tasks, but not as good at prioritizing people. Having two brand-new humans was a shock to my prioritization methodologies. Putting these two tiny humans before my own needs reminded me that we all have basic demands, and only after those are satisfied can we grow and develop in a healthy, productive way.

When it comes to leadership, we need to recognize that those professionals around us have basic needs as well. In our professional lives, our teams need more than food, sleep and hygiene. They need support, recognition and encouragement to be the best version of themselves. Having twins reminded me that care and centering on the human creates a longer, stronger impact than extreme responsiveness to a thousand emails and tasks a day.

Leadership lesson: As a leader, be human-centered, and examine the basic needs of your team to ensure you are providing the access, care and support needed to grow and succeed at work.

Sometimes, They Need To Struggle

As I write this, Twin B is crying in his napper. I know that he is fed and clean, and he was just cuddled and loved. It tears at my heart, but I know that he is learning to self-soothe. It is tough, but he needs to struggle in order to develop critical life skills. His future employer will thank me.

I have always believed that to learn, we need to fail forward. We need to feel discomfort in order to stretch and grow. Mistakes are not a big deal, but what becomes most important is what and how we learn from them. It is the leader’s job to create a safe environment where failure is not reprimanded, but billed as an opportunity to become just a little bit better.

Leadership lesson: Showcase a fail-forward mindset by providing the safety, reassurance and stability for your team members to develop resilience and agility in response to learning from mistakes, missteps and misfortune.

Self-Care And Self-Compassion Are Critical

The first few weeks were a blur and incredibly hard. Our lives changed overnight. We all know the facts on how sleep deprivation and stress affect performance, decision-making and productivity.

The idea of self-care for me in terms of my leadership was deeper than getting a full night’s sleep, my 20 minutes of yoga in the morning and routine coffee-and-think time. I learned to be more generous in forgiveness of myself. My definition of good parenting and leadership does not have to be the same as someone else’s definition. And that is just fine. We find what works in the moment, for the family, for the individual, for the team, and we move on.

Leadership lesson: Be intentional about showing yourself the same care and compassion that you have for others and those you lead.

Extend Gratitude To The Network

If not for the generosity of our family, friends and co-workers, we would not have napped, eaten or been able to take a breath every once in a while, which usually meant going to the big-box store to buy more formula and diapers. Without our support system, we would not have been able to learn how to parent, build healthy habits and find our new normal.

We live in a connected world where networks reign. As structured teams become the new normal for work dynamics, showing gratitude to those who help, support and challenge is important to continue to become the best versions of ourselves. Being a leader also means sharing your network with those you are responsible for in order to increase the value of their lives.

Leadership lesson: Relentlessly and selflessly make introductions, share resources and build relationships to help your team members advance their knowledge, experiences and exposure as they build their own communities and networks.

Flex Your Routine To Make Room For Real Needs

Over the past several months, I read several books on how to parent and get baby to sleep through the night and when baby will do what. We were ready with the formula and had the anticipated schedule displayed on a chalkboard in the living room. I love routine. These kids were going to be on our schedule whether they wanted to or not!

That’s hilarious.

Change agility is becoming increasingly important as a key leadership capability. A plan, strategy or routine can be a helpful starting place, but I learned that sometimes things must change in order to fulfill a more important need (prioritize the human), push a boundary (sometimes they need to struggle), return to center (self-care is critical) or make new connections (gratitude for the network).

Leadership lesson: Embrace ambiguity and the changing nature and needs of the people you lead by making room for what really matters: increasing the quality of the lives of those you lead.

Becoming a parent certainly changed me in ways I had never considered, just like the first time I was given the honor of leading people, but I am also becoming a better version of myself as a leader, as a follower and, quite frankly, as a human. I needed the instant jolt of parenthood in order to be a better leader, see my blind spots and work on becoming a better version of myself. Every leader may not be a parent, but every leader has the responsibility to be human-centered, provide safety and stability, show compassion, and be gracious and flexible to focus on what matters most: those in your care.

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