Why Don’t We Give Compliments Freely?
This week we stayed in an urban orchard. Yes, it’s just as cool as it sounds. In the 1700s, this land was part of a massive farm that went many miles in every direction. Today, the family has sold off most of it with the exception of 2 spaces: their urban orchard and a park dedicated to the son that never came home from war. To my delight, I was excited to see that this park connects to a massive and well-maintained trail system.
Recently, I’ve started taking Dewey on hikes with me. I guess some part of me had a bias against small dogs. I didn’t think he’d be able to handle trail hikes, but he’s surprised me. I think he loves it as much as I do. In the Valley of Fire, he easily navigated one of the hardest downhills I’ve ever done. He and I did a mile straight uphill last week. Here, in the flat and cool valley of Northern California, he hikes effortlessly.
We also share 1 other thing about hiking: we don’t enjoy seeing other people on our trails. I guess it’s not that I don’t enjoy *them*, per se; I just don’t enjoy listening to other people’s conversations when I’m trying to experience nature. Dewey, on the other hand, wants to play with every dog and person we see. He’s just a little too excited about it and that comes out as him leaping at them joyfully.
No one is full of joy when a strange dog is leaping at them, especially me, so I’ve been doing intense training with him. Every time someone passes now, I pull him to the side and practice “watch me” and “sit.” Lots of treats. Lots of good boy. I look ridiculous with the massive bag of treats in my pocket. Seriously, every picture of me over the last few weeks is awful because I have this thigh bag of dog treats, but whatever it takes – we are going to figure this shit out.
In this very wealthy community that is home to the urban orchard, I get mixed reactions to this ridiculous leaping. The first is a look of disgust at me in my ratty t-shirt and gym shorts. My read is that it’s mostly judgement of me, the human. The second is far more hopeful. I see them glance at my cute little dog. Then, I hear them whisper back as he sits and patiently waits, “good boy!” The compliments are really sweet. They’re proud of him. I am, too.
It made me think that we could all make the trails a little more pleasant with a few free-range compliments and kind words. A “good job” and “you’re killing it today” surely wouldn’t kill anyone. So why aren’t compliments given so freely?
I think I always feel shy – like no one wants to talk to a stranger these days. The reality is that a fleeting compliment can make most days a lot better. Especially the ones that have very little to do with how you look and more to do with noticing someone. Like, really noticing them – their joy, happiness, and maybe even their fear.
Just don’t call them a good boy. You might get even stranger looks than I have.
Kat Kibben View All →
Kat Kibben [they/them] is a keynote speaker, writing expert, and LGBTQIA+ advocate who teaches hiring teams how to write inclusive job postings that will get the right person to apply faster.
Before founding Three Ears Media, Katrina was a CMO, Technical Copywriter, and Managing Editor for leading companies like Monster, Care.com, and Randstad Worldwide. With 15+ years of recruitment marketing and training experience, Katrina knows how to turn talented recruiting teams into talented writers who write for people, not about work.
Today, Katrina is frequently featured as an HR and recruiting expert in publications like The New York Times, Chicago Tribune, and Forbes. They’ve been named to numerous lists, including LinkedIn’s Top Voices in Job Search & Careers. When not speaking, writing, or training, you’ll find Katrina traveling the country in their van or spending some much needed downtime with the dogs that inspired the name Three Ears Media.