During the summer of 2018, my husband, Henry, and I took our teenage daughter and her friend away for the weekend. They were getting ready to start eighth grade, their last year of middle school. I had just finished interviewing 13 professional women and was describing the questions I’d asked — about imposter syndrome, obstacles the women faced and how they overcame them. When I mentioned that I’d asked about their #MeToo stories, the girls' eyes grew wide and they asked, “Did anyone have one?” When they heard that every single woman had experienced one or more incidents of sexual harassment or gender discrimination at work, they were rightfully shocked.
Every Woman Had A #MeToo Story
Yes, all 13 women had a #MeToo story. That’s how prevalent workplace harassment is for professional women. Mid-career women have long accepted harassment as normal — not OK, but pervasive. It took many of the women I interviewed a decade or two before they were able to look back and realize what they had endured was inappropriate — and often illegal. Most were young when they first experienced it. They were just beginning their careers, sometimes even working in their first job out of school. They didn’t know they had a right to a respectful workplace free of harassment and discrimination.
Twenty-plus years ago, few people talked openly about harassment at work, so they endured it silently. Being leered at, objectified and subjected to comments about their bodies, looks and clothes were commonplace. Sexist comments were expected, and there was relatively little public outcry as compared to what we see happening in the wake of the #MeToo movement today.
Reporting Was Discouraged
Even today, one national poll found that 60% of women say they’ve been sexually harassed at work. In my interviews, I found that no field or industry was exempt. From journalism to classical music, sports, technology and academia, women’s experiences were similar. If they did raise concerns, supervisors recommended quiet tolerance as a way to fit in and move up the career ladder. Women were told not to make waves or cause trouble, lest they be labeled as “difficult complainers” who would find themselves unwelcomed and unpromotable at best; blacklisted at worst. Even female supervisors often counseled women to “laugh it off.”
The Tipping Point
Thanks to movements like #MeToo and #TimesUp, young women now have increased information, vocabulary and support to act with less hesitation. They are quicker to recognize impropriety. They are more empowered to respond by either calling out mistreatment or voting with their feet. One of the most uplifting aspects of hearing from the 10 younger women I spoke to was that they are better informed of their right to a respectful work environment.
Increasingly, women who have witnessed or experienced harassment in the past are stepping in as allies, providing a safe haven and encouraging younger women to speak up and report wrongdoing. Women who are reminded of the days when they had no one to confide in, when they were told it was all just “something you have to deal with” are saying, “no more.” They’re stepping in to make sure the next generation will benefit from their experiences.
There are a number of ways that women can advocate for each other at work. If you witness an inappropriate comment or see another woman getting talked over in a meeting, it’s much easier for you to say something than for her to call it out. A woman may confide in you about an unwanted advance or lewd comment. Listen and help her think through what next step is right for her. Help her if she wants to report it, and if not, don’t judge her. Women who have been through this before can provide invaluable guidance and mentorship to those who are experiencing it for the first time.
Change is slower than many of us would like, and there’s still much to do before women will be seen and treated as true equals in work and society. Still, one of my greatest hopes is that women of all generations will now come together to use our shared vocabulary and join forces in efforts to ensure every woman is guaranteed the harassment-free workplace she deserves.
