I’ve worked in the recruitment industry my whole career. Most of that has been recruiting within the cybersecurity space, which is notoriously short on women. Both fields are male-dominated and typically, characteristics generally regarded as male-associated are praised in both. Recently, I’ve had a number of women ask me how I have managed to survive — even thrive — in an industry like this, and what skills or tactics I've needed to call upon throughout my career.
I realize that the characteristics we associate with each gender apply as an imperfect trend. I hope the world is coming to understand that gender is a spectrum, both literally and when considering stereotypical behaviors. There are men with lots of empathy and women with none, men who are great communicators and women with terrible communication skills. But I think it is also important that we recognize this spectrum, these differences, and acknowledge how we work within them.
Stay true to who you are.
The No. 1 way I have advanced my career in a male-dominated industry is by not trying to be one of the guys. I think I was a better listener than many of my colleagues. I wasn’t trying to sell a solution straight away; I was trying to understand the problem. This kind of approach builds trust and allows the people you meet to see that you are genuinely interested in them and their business. Building that trust quickly makes for relationships that last — and in my case, have lasted my career to date.
Ask for what you want.
Way before Lean In (which is now my personal manual for the corporate world), I learned that you have to ask for the things you want. I was lucky to lose out on some big accounts in my first job by not asking for them, because that taught me to not make the same mistake again. I asked to go on the big meetings. I asked for pay raises, and I asked clients to work with me. This often made me feel uncomfortable — I was scared of being told no. While plenty of times I was told no, I have always known where I stand and been able to make decisions about my next move.
Waiting to be recognized or picked will not get you anywhere. We hear often that "not asking" applies more to women than men, particularly when explaining the gender pay gap. My hope is that over the coming years we can design a corporate structure where this isn’t required. But it doesn’t just apply to pay: You have to ask for the things you want.
Let go of sensitivity, for now.
For large parts of my career, I was the only woman on a team full of men. I’m sure anyone who has been in the same position will tell you that the conversations can be interesting. I learned to ignore some of the conversations around me, while still pointing out to colleagues the things that were not always office-appropriate. (This has had some benefit in my personal life, though — surely I’ve dodged many dating disasters thanks to my window into this world.) I had to put a lid on my sensitivity in order to make this work. Proceed with caution when following this advice now, though: I believe we are coming into a time when paying attention to sensitivity can change the culture around us in the workplace for the better.
Aim for fair distribution of gendered tasks.
It would have been very easy to fall into a role where I tidied up after the men around me — and I mean this literally. While I hope we are more aware of this bias in 2019, when I started my career, some of the men around me would often ask me to do their admin work, even when my role and responsibilities matched theirs. As the plates and rubbish were piling up around me, I had to make it clear it wasn’t my role to clean up after my colleagues.
To be treated as an equal, we also have to act like one, taking on tasks that are appropriate, rather than because of gendered associations with them. That might sometimes mean getting drinks for the team meeting, but only when it works the same for every member on the team.
Use HR when you need to.
I’m grateful that more and more women find themselves in a different work environment than the one that existed when my career began. Inappropriate or uninvited behavior is rapidly becoming less acceptable and less tolerated. #MeToo and social media have allowed us to realize we are not alone, and have helped us to break down some of the cultural constructs that allowed these behaviors to persist. Good leaders demonstrate a willingness to educate where needed and take action, so speak up and bring issues to HR. Any behaviors that prohibit you from succeeding or feeling safe in your job can and should be addressed.
We are making progress: There are more women on corporate boards than ever before, and we are seeing real change with pay equity and corporate culture. My hope is that we continue to challenge the structure we have had and change the paradigms of power, rather than teach women to behave like men in order to succeed. While we work toward that goal, we must aim to empower women who find themselves looking to excel in their current environments.
