Keynote/TEDx Speaker, CEO of Qualigence International, entrepreneur and investor. Helping companies identify, select and develop talent.
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We’ve all heard the advice: Start with positive feedback, deliver negative feedback and close with something positive again. And just like that, in three easy steps, you can deliver all the negative feedback you want without upsetting your teams. Right?
Seems straightforward, but in reality, it never quite works that way. This is one of the most common pieces of advice given to leaders. If you work in HR, I have no doubt you’ve heard it before. Maybe you've even given this advice to someone before. I know I have. Unfortunately, it’s bad advice—and can do a lot of damage to the relationship between leaders and their teams. Let’s explore why.
The Sandwich Approach Is Manipulative—And Undermines Trust
The main issue with the sandwich approach is that it’s actually manipulation. In brief, you’re manipulating someone by distracting them from the main point—your constructive criticism.
Offering positive feedback along with negative feedback is never a bad idea. But sticking to a rigid positive-negative-positive approach is not natural. Whether you have constructive or positive feedback, you should share it as soon as you can. If you stick to the sandwich approach, you need to wait until you have two pieces of positive feedback for negative feedback.
Most leaders do something even worse: They deliver positive feedback that’s not really genuine. And you can’t really blame them, because they’ve been instructed to follow this approach. If you use the sandwich approach every time you deliver negative or constructive feedback, you’ll inevitably have to deliver positive feedback you don’t really mean to soften the blow.
This undermines trust and shows your team member that you’re willing to deliver phony feedback to manipulate their feelings. Any positive feedback you deliver afterward will seem suspect. Team members will likely wonder: Does my leader really mean this, or are they just trying to make me feel better about something?
Instead, Focus On Creating The Right Relationship With Your Team
Great leadership ultimately is all about relationships. Delivering feedback as a leader is no different. For some, it might feel awkward and tough to deliver negative or constructive feedback. Most leaders don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings, and they certainly don’t want team members holding any ill will toward them. But if you focus on creating a healthy relationship with your reports in the first place, this all becomes much easier.
Leaders should strive to develop a relationship where they truly care about their team members, not just as employees but also as individuals. They should also demonstrate that they want nothing but the best for their teams. If you’ve built the right relationship, your team member understands that you are only delivering the feedback with their best intentions at heart.
Frame Feedback As An Opportunity To Improve
Another way to improve your delivery of constructive feedback is in how you frame it. Constructive feedback should be viewed as an opportunity to help your team member improve. Communicate about it accordingly.
We should never deliver constructive feedback to tear anyone down. It’s not about venting our frustrations or picking apart someone’s work. It’s about showing someone a path to improving themselves. It’s about guiding someone toward adding more value to the team.
Most people actually crave honest feedback. They want your input on how they can improve. They want to earn raises, promotions, recognition, you name it. So don’t be afraid to have these conversations. Adopting a collaborative approach also works wonders. Approach the issue as a team.
Ask yourself: How can you as the leader and your team member work together to deliver better results? Offer ways to support your team member on their path to improvement or ask how you can assist.
Don’t Forget To Lead By Example
Finally, one simple way you can improve the feedback process is by showing people how grateful you are for feedback. If you routinely ask your team members for their honest feedback on how you can improve as a leader and act on it, people will see that feedback doesn’t always mean harsh criticism.
Treating feedback as a two-way street goes a long way toward making employees feel better about receiving constructive criticism. It helps create an environment where people understand you are offering feedback so that you can all improve, together.
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