Senseless Hate In A Gender Neutral Bathroom
For my first week of van life, I booked one of my favorite campsites in the world. It’s a tiny 30 site state park in Florida with the ocean just steps away. All day and night, I can hear the waves crashing. It’s like a sound machine but way better. The breeze is constant and cool even on the hottest days. It is a little slice of paradise.
One of the other reasons it’s a favorite of mine is the gender neutral bathroom. When I use a single stall, I don’t have to emotionally prepare myself every time I want to pee. At this point, it’s not even the confused stares that get me. That happens enough that I have learned to ignore them. It’s the snide comments. The questions that imply I don’t belong, like, “Are you in the right place?” When it’s more targeted and harsh, it sounds like, “Are you stupid” and “What is a man doing in here?” Whether it’s a kind correction or hateful comment, neither make me feel particularly good. I just need to pee.
About five days in, Dewey and I took a walk to the gender neutral bathroom to find the door had been broken. The beautiful, cool breeze wasn’t to blame for this damage. The hinge at the top was ripped out of the wall. The door handle halfway torn off, too. It was clearly the work of a strong, angry person.
A whisper crept into my head that they did this on purpose. Someone that hates people like me. As much as I try to believe the best in folks, the political climate is too loud to be silent. It’s too targeted to not be on your toes if you’re trans.
The politicization of identity over the last four years is clear. Chase Strangio from the ACLU shared last week that in 2021 there was 1 anti trans bill. Just 31 days into 2024, over 375 are now on the docket. Were we all unsafe 3 years ago? What else could be the motivation?
I’m not going to answer that because it’s a ridiculous question with a very obvious answer. Trans people have always existed. People just haven’t always been encouraged to legislate hate against them. Political parties haven’t always used hatred to bond.
Correction. That part isn’t new. See, all of history. (If you want to see a well told story of the anti-LGBT history, I recommend the show Fellow Travelers.)
In all the hate, I have hope as I watch people change history inside their homes. There’s an entire generation of parents doing better every day – a few I’m lucky enough to call friends – who are determined to make a world where their children (trans or not) don’t have to be scared of going to the bathroom. Where they can live out loud no matter who they love. Homes where children are taught that no one deserves to be hated.
We can all do a little bit to change the way this world feels today. My camp hosts did it for me. When they replaced the gender neutral bathroom door the next day, that gave me a little hope too. Of all the signs in the world that tell me I don’t belong, this one said I could live here safely. Even in a world filled with senseless hate.
Kat Kibben View All →
Kat Kibben [they/them] is a keynote speaker, writing expert, and LGBTQIA+ advocate who teaches hiring teams how to write inclusive job postings that will get the right person to apply faster.
Before founding Three Ears Media, Katrina was a CMO, Technical Copywriter, and Managing Editor for leading companies like Monster, Care.com, and Randstad Worldwide. With 15+ years of recruitment marketing and training experience, Katrina knows how to turn talented recruiting teams into talented writers who write for people, not about work.
Today, Katrina is frequently featured as an HR and recruiting expert in publications like The New York Times, Chicago Tribune, and Forbes. They’ve been named to numerous lists, including LinkedIn’s Top Voices in Job Search & Careers. When not speaking, writing, or training, you’ll find Katrina traveling the country in their van or spending some much needed downtime with the dogs that inspired the name Three Ears Media.
I’m so sorry this happened – those safe spaces are so important. My kiddo started high school in September; they went to 9th grade orientation day and when they got home, they couldn’t tell me anything about their classrooms or what went on…but they excitedly told me that the school had gender-neutral bathrooms and signs telling students that (in my kiddo’s words) queer students are welcome here and anyone who doesn’t like it needs to get over it. It matters. Wishing you strength and more hope on your travels.