#MeToo started as a movement aimed at revealing how far-reaching and prevalent sexual harassment is in the workplace. With this came a global dialogue about its impact on women. This discussion has since broadened to include other forms of sexual discrimination. One important part of the conversation is often underestimated and does not receive as much attention: subtle gender-based biases. These types of biases often result in “micro-inequities” against women at work.
In a 1973 MIT report, Mary Rowe (the woman often credited with coining the term “sexual harassment”) also established the notion of micro-inequities. She defined these as “apparently small events which are often ephemeral and hard-to-prove, events which are covert, often unintentional, frequently unrecognized by the perpetrator, which occur wherever people are perceived to be ‘different.’” Since then, a number of thought pieces have been written about micro-inequities at work. Examples include: interrupting women mid-sentence during meetings but not doing the same to men, “making eye-contact only with males while talking to a group containing both males and females,” mentioning the achievements of men but not similarly successful women, and consistently showing favorable body language (leaning in, lighting up, smiling, excited tone of voice, etc.) to men and the opposite (lack of eye contact, sighing, signs of boredom, etc.) to women. Many other examples exist, and are often marked by gestures, words, treatment and tone of voice. The flip side of micro-inequities are micro-affirmations, where men may receive subtle and consistent nods of respect, approval and inclusion.
Issues like this come to the attention of human resources professionals with more frequency than we would like, but in addressing employee concerns, we learn how best to confront such disruptive issues as gender-based bias head-on. So what should you do if you believe that you are experiencing subtle gender-based biases, or micro-inequities, at work?
1. Don’t Dismiss It
If you sense a difference in the way that you are being treated compared to men, you may dismiss it out of fear that you are being too sensitive or because you believe that the individual engaging in the behavior doesn’t mean to. It may well be that she or he does not have any bad intentions (which is most often the case). However, if the behavior has sufficient impact that it makes you uncomfortable, then don’t summarily dismiss how you feel or how you are experiencing the behaviors.
2. Check Your Perceptions
Once you acknowledge that the behavior makes you uncomfortable, then check your perceptions about that behavior. Understanding and appreciating micro-inequities is not a license to interpret every perceived slight as an act of discrimination or aggression. Speak to colleagues to gauge whether this person has displayed off-putting, dismissive or excluding behaviors with men as well. If so, then in employment law parlance this type of individual is affectionately labeled “the equal opportunity jerk” and may be subject to coaching of a different nature. So analyze whether patterns in the person’s behavior reveal that the specific concern is a disparity in how she or he treats or responds to men versus women.
3. Address The Behavior
Assess the situation. Then apply an appropriate method for addressing it. A few options are:
• Address the behavior specifically without attaching any motive to it. For example, if the micro-inequity is constantly interrupting in meetings, then firmly and consistently request, “Let me finish.” This may even inspire other women who feel the same way to speak up as well.
• Call the perceived motive to the individual's attention in a non-confrontational way. For example, if the offensive behavior is introducing men by their achievements and women by their name, then say in a relaxed tone, “You’re not just excluding my accomplishments from that introduction because I’m a woman, are you?”
• If more indirect methods do not correct the behavior, then address it specifically:
- Ask whether you can provide feedback, and then do so privately, and at a time that is convenient for both parties.
- Demonstrate that you assume positive intent, by starting with, “You may not have noticed …” or, “You probably didn’t mean it…” before describing what you experienced.
- Use language that focuses on and describes the behavior. It is more productive and impactful to say, “I noticed that when I began speaking you kept on checking your phone and looking away,” than it is to say, “I noticed that when I began speaking you completely dismissed me.” Then share how the behavior impacts you.
- Ask and clarify whether she or he noticed the behaviors and what was meant by them.
- End the conversation on a forward-looking note, and discuss how you can best work together going forward. Share any suggestions you may have for this.
- Express gratitude to the person for being open to change and for listening to your feedback.
4. Don’t Be A Quiet Bystander
If you are a man, or if you are a woman who experiences subtle gender-based bias less because of factors like your seniority in the company, then call it out when you see it impacting others. Be the one to request, “Let her finish.” Call out your observations in a non-confrontational way. When appropriate, provide direct feedback using the methods described.
5. If Necessary, Speak To Human Resources Or A Manager
Most companies want to make their workplace better and more inclusive for employees. It is not only the right thing to do, but it is also best for preventing a claim, and for promoting employee retention and recognition. For these reasons, human resources has a vested interest in knowing employees’ concerns and in working to address them. If speaking to the offending employee directly does not work, then sharing your experiences with your manager or a trusted human resources partner may be a helpful next step if the impact on you and the work environment is strong enough.
