I’ll just get right to it: You have to know what you want.
It’s a new year (and decade!), and naturally, it’s a great time to think about what you want out of this year. Maybe it’s a promotion. Maybe it’s an entirely new job. Maybe it’s a new role, or maybe it’s an opportunity to be included in a new project. There are times we think we know what we want, but it’s really at a superficial level. Our knee-jerk responses might be money, recognition, to feel more fulfilled, a new manager, a new team or myriad other things. Sometimes the things we think we want are really masking complaints we have about the way things currently are. Often, we focus on what we don’t want. Complaints about what frustrates us come really easy.
None of this is a helpful or an effective strategy to truly moving our career in the direction we want it to move. While knowing what you want seems simple enough, as you can see, it can elude us unless we take the time to really determine what we want.
Why does it really matter what we want anyway?
If we don’t know what we want, we simply won’t get it. Period. And it won’t be anyone’s fault but our own. Knowing what we want allows us something to work toward, something to measure things that come at us by.
For example, knowing you want to prioritize exploring a personal passion project might make you reassess whether that promotion that requires a high level of travel is something that will align with where you’re trying to go. Perhaps what you actually want is more flexibility at work to allow you the freedom and time to explore this personal passion.
Knowing what we want provides us with an important compass to use in navigating and designing our lives. It empowers us to make decisions and take control of our future. While other people’s decisions may influence what we are offered and whether we get what we want, we actually have a tremendous amount of power in designing our lives the way we want to live.
So how do we figure out what we actually want?
We start by listening to ourselves and paying attention to when we feel excited and when even just the thought of something makes us feel drained or irritable.
Taking stock of any current frustrations we have is important. It gives us the data to help ensure that the things we want aren’t simply masked complaints about what we aren’t getting right now. For example, when a person who has been in the same role for three years says, “I want more money,” it’s important to consider whether what’s going on is really a feeling of devaluation and not being recognized/acknowledged, or maybe it’s just plain boredom. This person may indeed really want a pay increase; however, the deeper level of what they may want is to work within a team where their contributions are recognized, or to be in a role that excites them and that pays them appropriately for their contributions, or simply to see progress within their career. Notice that these wants may still be present even after getting more money, so it’s important to take a step back and see the bigger and deeper picture of what we really want.
Sometimes we have ideas of what we “should” want. Either we look at our peers for clues based on what they want, or we have beliefs about how success and progress should look. We don’t stop to think about whether that is actually what we want and give ourselves space to want something different. We see certain markers for success as things that are supposed to happen, and when they don’t, we think we want them. But do we?
Again, the answer could indeed be yes, but it’s important to at least ask ourselves the honest question. Is this thing, whatever it may be, what I actually want? Or am I just annoyed about the possible reasons it hasn’t been offered to me?
Lastly, there are times we realize that we don’t know what we want. It may not be as cut and dried. In this case, we can start by trying stuff. It’s really tempting to see this process as linear:
Figure out what you want > create a plan > implement the plan > get what you want.
But life doesn’t always work that way. Instead, we need to get curious about things we think could be important or interesting to us. Put all markers of success on the back burner for a second. Then begin to consider what seems exciting to us. If it’s career growth, we can seek opportunities to get exposure in different areas. Of course, talking to other people is helpful, but nothing beats actually doing it yourself and staying aware of what excites you and what doesn’t. When you don’t know exactly what you want, start with what seems interesting to you, and begin by exploring that.
Whether what you want in the grand scheme of things is clear or not, create your own growth plan of things to explore and try. Decide what things you want to learn and ways you can learn them. Decide what you need to have in your role to feel like you’re on track toward your career goals. Don’t wait for someone to offer you a path or to lead you. Be open to fail or make mistakes. Be clear on any trade-offs you may need to make.
Ultimately, knowing what you want will get you closer to feeling more fulfilled and empowered than anything else. Take action!
