Ed Manfre is a partner in the Los Angeles office of Heidrick & Struggles and a member of the company's consulting branch.
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An executive joined our Zoom meeting late and looked like he’d just seen a ghost.
“I’m sorry. I got the worst news, and it completely threw my day off. I’m not sure what to think,” he confessed.
Even in the wake of the bad news, he kept our meeting because he needed time and space to safely consider what happened and, most importantly, his response to it.
Our meeting shifted quickly to the tactical matter of resilience because he had no time to wallow. The demands of his leadership role at a public company wouldn’t allow it.
This article overviews the approach to resilience we explored if you ever find yourself in a comparable professional situation.
When the Unexpected Hits
According to a 2021 Deloitte study, global leaders' resiliency fuse is guttering in the face of an “extraordinary strain” on their ability to navigate the fast pace of change. More than 80% of leaders reported exhaustion, and of that group, 96% indicated their mental health has declined. As I speak with global leaders, they assume these struggles are just the new steady state. We just need to learn how to press on when the bottom drops out.
But strengthening your leadership after a setback requires that you understand your own psychology to channel that knowledge into simple steps that are workable, like brushing your teeth or doing a workout.
Find Resilience Through The Four F’s
If you’ve ever been knocked down by a sucker punch, you know that what you do after hitting the ground makes a huge difference for yourself and those you lead. Here's my four-step process to find your way back to a thriving state after any setback.
1. Feel it fully.
When big challenges hit, my clients often say things like, “I can’t think of anything else right now”—as if they’re trying to fight it. Let that go. In the immediate wake of negative news, it's not the time to think positively as if that will remove the downside. That leaves you paddling upstream against a rush of negative emotions. Instead of playing mental jujitsu, let it flow.
What happened is a challenge, and it helps to sit with that truth to fully understand what it could mean. To help, try journaling a bullet list of exactly how you feel with the words or phrases that come to mind. This is just for you, so be completely honest. Everyone’s heard of gratitude journaling, but not many know of resilience journaling. You just started your first entry! We’ll come back to this later.
2. Focus elsewhere.
Once you’ve made a connection to your emotions, do whatever it takes to get away from your desk. If the situation allows, get physically active for 15 minutes. Changing your environment helps you reset, and physically demanding activities like exercise make it easier for your mind to be present.
Ultramarathoner and podcast host Rich Roll says it best with his mantra: “Mood follows action.” Simply taking a walk outside can get you on your way to getting out of your funk.
3. Find the learning.
If you’ve completed the first two steps, chances are good you have a bit more perspective on the situation. It can still be awful and overwhelming. But it no longer permeates every fiber of your being. Now, let’s put our “meaning machine” (i.e., the mind) to work in a different direction. We’re going on a quest armed with two questions: “What else could this mean?” and “What have I learned so far?”
Go back to your journaling notes, and add two columns next to the feelings and thoughts you listed. These will become your home base for processing. As you review each original bullet, ask yourself, “What else could this mean?” For instance, if you wrote “They let me down,” you might reach for a more productive meaning like “It wasn’t personal, but it still hurt.” Imagine explaining to your best friend what lessons this challenge has taught you so far in simple terms. “I can’t see a fix” might turn into “I’m still working on a solution.”
But sometimes, the best learning you can reach for is “I need to stay focused when unexpected things happen.” And that's okay. (This lesson is evergreen!)
4. Frame the way forward.
Bestselling author Ryan Holiday distilled this step into one sentence: “We don’t control what happens to us in life, but we control how we respond to what happens in life.”
From this position of improved perspective, you get to decide what’s next. Start by aiming for your next three to five critical actions and make sure they can be executed with urgency. These can range from tactical action to medium-term solutions. For instance, you might need to make one critical phone call right now and then flesh out a risk mitigation plan later.
Whatever your path forward is, ensure the plan includes immediate next steps. This is the essence of being responsive: picking the right actions and executing them with confidence and speed.
The Comeback Plan Begins With You
No matter your leadership effectiveness, our world of constant change is going to test you. Some of these tests will hurt badly. Some of them might even feel terminal. But trust me, you can and will recover. Unleashing the heart of resilience starts with you taking charge of your mindset, attitude, words and actions. Then, you'll be well equipped to work through the challenges within yourself so you can get to a better place.
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