When you have a difficult supervisor, you might not know where to turn. There isn’t a simple remedy to fix the situation—especially if you’re trying to avoid negative consequences.
Voicing your concerns to a manager you’re having difficulty with or sharing those concerns with others can be overwhelming, but it’s often a necessary move if you want to improve your workplace dynamic. That’s why we asked 13 members of Forbes Human Resources Council to offer some effective tactics for handling a difficult or toxic boss. Below, they share their methods and why they work.
Members of Forbes Human Resources Council share ways to deal with a difficult boss.
Photos courtesy of the individual members.1. Get support from other leaders.
Remember that your boss’ perspective is just that: theirs. What your boss thinks is not always fact, so seek alternative views if you are struggling with their behavior. Finding mentors or seeking leadership from different people can enable you to get the support you need. Bosses are not permanent, so make sure you continue to develop yourself—it’s up to you. - Karla Reffold, Orpheus Cyber
2. Talk to your HR manager.
As the human resources manager, situations like this are what I am here for. Any of my employees can come and talk to me at any time about any of our management team. I am here for our employees, as they are the people who make our company run. - Melissa Bolton, Perlon Hahl Inc.
3. Assume positive intent.
If you feel you are having issues with your boss, assume positive intent. Talk to your peers who might get along well with them and learn how they are able to be effective. If that doesn’t work, have the courage to talk to them about the impact of their actions on you. At best you get a better understanding of their intentions; at worst you have made your voice heard. - Rohini Shankar, CIOX Health
4. Focus on what you can control.
When working with a difficult or toxic person, it’s important to remember that the only person you can control is yourself, and any efforts to control the other person are futile. If you have trust in other senior leaders, seek out their advice and support, but if all trust is eroded, take care of yourself and seek out an organization that shares your values and has a healthy, supportive culture. - Nicole Roberts, MVAH Partners, LLC
5. Ask a trusted colleague for guidance.
Soliciting some guidance from colleagues in the organization whom you trust can help a lot, especially if that person is a peer to your superior or a peer of yours who has longer tenure reporting to the superior. Leverage those relationships to gain insights into how to deal with the situation, but ensure you do not disparage the superior while doing so. - Bryan Passman, Hunter + Esquire
6. If talking with them directly doesn’t help, go to their superior.
Toxic bosses are really hard to work with. After you have tried to address your issues/feelings with your current manager, the best thing to do in a situation like this is to talk to their manager and see if you can get reassigned. If you are stuck with your manager, the next best approach is to create boundaries and have predefined times when you both connect to review progress. - Srikant Chellappa, Engagedly | Mentoring Complete
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7. Imagine your ideal boss-employee relationship.
In any interpersonal relationship, it’s important to own the impact and power that you have. This applies to reporting relationships as well. Imagine what your “perfect” relationship would be with your boss; how would you show up in that context? Then start showing up that way now. If the situation doesn’t change and you can’t accept the dynamic, then leave the relationship. - Pari Becker, Titan Machinery
8. Focus on clarity, candidness and control.
Many times a toxic boss has poor communication skills. They can be direct but mixed in their expectations. In those cases, focus on the three Cs: clarity, candidness and control. Have clarity about the specific concerns you have, have a candid conversation with your boss about those concerns and control your reaction to their response. Ultimately, what you learn will guide you on whether to stay or go. - Bridgette Wilder, Wilder HR Management & EEO Consulting
9. Make specific, time-bound requests.
One effective tactic to handle a difficult or toxic boss is to make requests with specific timeframes and let them know what the consequences and impact will be if the request is not met in the specified timeframe. Tenacious follow-up through different modalities is important so that you can get what you need from your boss when you’re meeting together. You need to be the leader. - Sherry Martin, Colorado Department of Human Services (CDHS)
10. Document the bad interactions.
First, never let a boss’ bad behavior negatively affect your work quality or your own behavior. Letting your work slip or acting out to “get even” could damage your future job prospects or your personal brand. Second, keep an accurate record of interactions with your boss (what was said and when). Then follow the proper procedures for filing a complaint with HR or upper management. - John Feldmann, Insperity
11. Decide if it’s a perception or a personality issue.
When a boss is being difficult, it is usually either a perception issue or a personality issue. If it is a perception issue, then usually the reasons are poor communication and a lack of emotional intelligence—both can be resolved, and there is scope to remedy the situation. If it is a personality issue, there are feedback and coaching techniques that may help, but usually the scope to fix it is limited. - Ruchi Kulhari, NIIT-Technologies
12. Look for patterns.
When dealing with a toxic boss, look for patterns: What does and doesn’t work when communicating with them? It may be necessary to control your responses and limit interactions, but you may also be able to uncover more effective ways to communicate through observation. If you find the situation gets worse, try to keep communication limited to text-based chats and emails so you have a paper trail. - Laura Spawn, Virtual Vocations, Inc.
13. Continue to execute.
Stay driven by your objectives and deliver on the projects you are assigned. This is the best way I have found to eliminate consequences when handling toxic work situations. Focus on the things that you can control and let go of those that you can’t. - Tobin Cookman, ON Semiconductor
