I decided to log into Facebook this week quickly to be reminded why I don’t like logging into Facebook. That place is a wasteland of questions that go unanswered, keyboard warriors, and pretty pictures that tell half a story. I don’t like it. 

As I scrolled my feed, I saw a series of people had posted about getting laid off. Condolences in the comments. Then, a response to one of those posts caught me off guard. They said something along the lines of “that’s a bad attitude.”

Normally I wouldn’t respond because I know that arguing with people on the internet will take up space in my brain. But then I said the thing anyway. “That’s not helpful.” I immediately regretted taking the time to say anything after I saw their harsh response ended with, “who hurt you?”

In so surprise to me, it took up space in my mind against my will. The question over and over. Then, I realized he was right. I did get hurt when I was laid off from a job in corporate America a few days before my dreams were supposed to come true.

If you’ve seen me speak, you probably know the story about losing my job a few days before I bought a house. But what I don’t talk about on stage are the next three hours that were filled with tears. The three days when I went right into work mode, spending 12 hours a day applying for jobs and networking. The next three weeks while I waited for post interview updates. The next three months as I went through a divorce. I wouldn’t be exaggerating to say it took at least three years to rediscover some semblance of confidence or trust anyone after that. Mostly, to trust myself again.

I put so much of my worth into the work I did in the office. I worked so hard. I believed that putting in the effort would protect me from hard endings. I thought if I showed up and put in 100% at a company, I wouldn’t get that layoff email from an anonymous inbox I couldn’t even reply to. I wouldn’t have an ominous meeting appear on my calendar. I wouldn’t get divorced.

When it happened anyway, you better believe I was hurt.

I was hurt by a work relationship where I could give everything – even giving up happiness at home – and get laid off without notice. I was hurt to realize the companies that rely on us for work can’t be relied on to take care of us. I was hurt to realize that no matter how hard I worked, these endings may happen.

For so long, I blamed myself. I had this scarlet letter L for layoff. I had to work harder.

That just wasn’t true.

I hope you know it’s true for you too. You don’t have to work harder than anyone else, especially in the post-tremor of a layoff. If you’re in a bad mood because you were laid off? Be in a bad mood. Take a nap, eat some snacks, whatever you need to heal and rest. The job search isn’t a piggy bank that you can put activities into to get the outcome you wanted. You can take a day off.

Oh, and don’t go anywhere near Facebook.

Weekly Letters after a layoff getting laid off layoff layoff lessons layoffs