Original Content.

I haven’t posted content here the last couple weeks, so while I was thinking about reposting one I actually liked from the corporate blog this week, I would crank out original content, instead. See, kids, original content is basically cocaine for digital marketers, and rather than ruin my search results by reposting stuff I own the intellectual property for, I thought I’d blow a few lines and crank out some one of a kind copy.

The reason why I haven’t been writing recently is because I’ve been writing my ass off. You just don’t see it, if I’m doing my job. I know most people think I’m an editor as some sort of doublespeak alternative to “douchebag” (which I really should change my business card title to, because the only people who look at cards after they’re exchanged are vendors and their outbound sales teams.

Maybe Chief Douche Officer would do the trick, since that’s not even the douchiest title possible. That honor has to go to the 25 Chief Awesome Officer profiles featured on the official LinkedIn blog, which probably just made you throw up in your mouth a bit (seriously, click at your own risk – it’s worse than listening to Dan Schwabel give an interview about millennial hiring trends or 15 minutes of Judge Jeanne Pirro).

But the thing is, I actually edit – and I’m a way better editor than a writer. In fact, I find far more satisfaction from helping make other people’s writing better than staring down a blank page or mindlessly researching whatever talking point the vendor paying me that week happens to want me to talk about. I’m not complaining, I’m just saying the posts I do byline are bought, which is flattering, but I’m not putting anything about integrating disparate HCM cloud solutions on my personal blog, backlinks be damned. Seriously, though – these are the blockbuster concepts I get the joy of trying to polish a turd, which makes me really sympathetic for the screenwriter who has to translate Michael Bay’s visions to the page.

But since enough of you are bored enough to subscribe to this blog – and most of the way too many thousands of people getting this in their inbox generally click through, which means I should seriously start phishing instead of this shit) – and a few of you are wondering what the hell I’ve been up to, wanted to let you know that I’m still producing original content. Even if most of it is as unoriginal as the prevalent premodernism in this post, or as annoying as assonance, or as stupid as the “best practice” that says I have to say something even if I don’t have anything to say on here, even though that’s the single point of Twitter’s existence.

But I got nothing. Except a few hundred unopened e-mails. And while I hate writing, I spent exactly 34 minutes avoiding the one thing I hate worse. Keyword, keyword, keyword, and original content, I got another two weeks or so before Mashable says I really need to worry about you again.